I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
