I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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