I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize