there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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