Jerry, you need to find god
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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