it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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