She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
