I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
