You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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