i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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