so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
