I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize