You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ketchup is God's man juice
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
