when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
