Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
