i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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