I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
