I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
