So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
