I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
