Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
