White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
