2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im holly from the hills drunk
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize