Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
