My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
