Michael Bay diarrhea
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
