Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
