You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
