Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
