there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
