At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
