this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
