Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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