well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
