are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
