it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
