It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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