i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
