Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
