And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
