also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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