I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
