I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
