Can i not drive my cunt home
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
