Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize