He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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