Umm I'm too high to move.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
