Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
