You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
