Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
