yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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