My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
