FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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