Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
