to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We just shotgunned beers for America
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
