She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
