some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
