Duck Duck Cougar?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
