Already got asked if we're dating
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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