But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
