lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
try to milk me bitch
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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