You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
