Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
