someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
