Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
