You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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