Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
