Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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