I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
