I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
