Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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