Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
