i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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