um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
