your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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