Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Farmville is her only friend.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize