Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
