I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
