I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
