It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
