I puked a lego.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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