I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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