So drunk its hurt
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
