OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
