Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My balls are so social today.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
