fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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