I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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