i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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